Wrong Number
by Bits And Pieces
Summary: Written for the 2014 Short Story speedwriting competition. Just when Hogan and his men get caught red-handed, something excellent happens.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used in this story; no copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The first line of this story is from, "The Good Samaritan" by Zoey Traner

A/N-2: I haven't written anything for a while, so I'm pretty rusty, but I wanted to contribute to this year's short-story speedwriting challenge. Hope you like it!

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"Did you hear that?" Carter asked, pausing and looking back over his shoulder.

"Hear what?" LeBeau hissed loudly before nearly crashing into the sergeant in the darkness.

"That rustling sound; I think it's coming from those bushes…" Carter pointed to a spot behind and to the right of the French corporal, "There, did you hear it that time?"

"No one heard anything, Carter," Newkirk huffed from his position behind LeBeau, "Now, get moving mate, before the colonel sees we've stopped."

Hogan heard the fervent whispering and turned around, letting out a quiet sigh. "C'mon, let's go," he said, "We gotta get back before roll call."

Just then the bush that Carter had pointed to shook violently and a figure jumped out in front of the four men. "Hold it right there!" the figure shouted, and raised his arm, pointing a gun at them. A gasp could be heard as the men recognized their assailant – Major Hochstetter!

Hogan quickly put on his game face. "Well, if it isn't our favorite Gestapo major," he said, smiling affably, "What brings you out here on a dark night like this?" He took a step forward.

"Stay where you are, Colonel Hogan," Hochstetter growled; then a smirk formed on his face. "I've finally caught you red-handed. You and your men are under arrest!"

"Arrest?" Hogan asked innocently, "For what? We were just trying to escape."

"Oh, no you weren't!" exclaimed Hochstetter, "I saw you and your men in Hammelburg, snooping around the new weapons factory that's being built there. I know you're planning to sabotage it, but you won't get away with it; not this time!"

"Really, Major, I don't know what you're talking about," Hogan replied.

"Oh yes you do!" Hochstetter yelled, his face turning red. "I saw you in town and followed you here, and now I can prove you're all spies. You can't escape me anymore!"

A bright light suddenly appeared directly over Hochstetter, and intensified rapidly. As the major looked up, Hogan made a beeline for the bushes, gesturing to his men to follow. They dove out of sight just as a large rectangular structure struck the ground, sending up a cloud of smoke while knocking Hochstetter unconscious.

Once the smoke dissipated and the structure came into focus, it appeared to resemble some kind of telephone booth. Hogan and his men looked out from the relative safety of the bushes and watched, wide-eyed, as the door to the booth opened, and two figures stepped out. They looked like young men, and were dressed in strange clothes. The taller one had dark, shaggy hair, and walked with an odd, exaggerated swagger. The other one was shorter, and had curly blond hair. The men from Stalag 13 could only gape at the apparitions, while straining to hear what they were saying.

The short blond one spoke first. "Dude, where are we?"

"I don't know," the other one answered, "Looks like a forest."

"I can see that, Ted."

The blond one continued, "We're supposed to be in Germany so we can snag Beeth-Oven – he's next on the list."

The dark-haired one named Ted pointed at something just inside the booth. "We _are_ in Germany Bill, look… That's what I dialed, see? 'Hammelburg, Germany, 1944'."

Bill shook his head and also pointed to the thing in the booth. "Dude, you were supposed to dial Kassel, Germany, 1810! You dialed the wrong number."

"No way!" exclaimed Ted.

"Way, Ted! You've got us in, like, World War Two!"

"I do?" Ted put his hand up to his chin and thought for a moment. Then his eyes lit up and he dropped his hand. "Hey Bill, I've got an idea; maybe we should snag that famous Nazi dude from the war…uh, what's his name again?"

"You mean, Hitler?"

"Yeah, Hitler!" Ted nodded enthusiastically.

Bill shook his head. "Nah, we better not. He's not one of the historical figures we need for our report."

"Oh, yeah," Ted replied. He started to take a step forward when his foot bumped into something near the base of the phone booth, and he glanced down. "Bill, look!" he exclaimed, pointing to the unconscious form, "There's some ugly dude on the ground next to the booth! We must have knocked him out when we landed!"

Bill leaned down and peered at the body. "Hey, Ted, you know who that is?"

Ted squinted a little; his brow furrowed in thought. "Well, he's wearing a Nazi uniform, and he looks kinda mean…" his eyes suddenly widened, "Hey, is that Hitler?"

"No, dude, that's Major Hochstetter!" Bill exclaimed, "Remember, from all those reruns we watched of Hogan's Heroes at your house?"

Ted nodded. "Yeah, my dad loves that show." Then his brow furrowed again. "Hey Bill, I just thought of something; if we're supposed to be doing a history report, how come we're in a TV show?"

The two young men looked at each other. "Whoa!" they exclaimed in unison.

Just then Hochstetter moved, and let out a moan. He reached up and put a hand to his head; then started to sit up, mumbling, "Whaa…what happened?"

"Hey, dude, are you okay?" Bill asked, reaching down to help the Major to his feet.

Hochstetter stood up and put his hand on the side of his head again. He squinted at the two odd-looking men in front of him in confusion. "Who are you?" he asked.

The blond spoke first. "I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire."

"And I'm Ted 'Theodore' Logan," the other one stated.

Then, in unison, they exclaimed, "And we're…WYLD STALLYNS!" while making odd gestures with their hands, somewhat like playing invisible instruments.

When they finished, Bill spoke up. "Well, we'd love to stay and hang out, but we gotta get back to our history report." He glanced at Ted and turned towards the phone booth.

Ted followed him, and when they reached the door, they turned back and waved at Hochstetter. "Later, dude!" they shouted; then disappeared into the booth and closed the door behind them.

A whirring noise began to come from the booth, and quickly grew louder. Ribbons of bright orange-colored light snaked around the outside, engulfing the structure. White flashes like lightning lit up the surrounding area, followed by loud crackling sounds. Then, just as mysteriously as it had arrived, the booth disappeared into the ground, leaving behind a few random strings of light that briefly snaked over the empty spot where the booth had stood only a second before.

Hochstetter stared for a moment, mouth agape, at the spot where the booth had disappeared. Then abruptly he turned toward the town of Hammelburg and began running, a scream escaping his lips; growing louder as he picked up speed. Soon enough he was out of sight.

Hogan and his men crept out from the bushes where they'd been hiding the whole time. They, too, just stood for a moment and stared at the spot where the telephone booth had been. It was Carter who finally broke the silence.

"What just happened, Colonel?" he asked, looking quizzically at the officer.

Hogan slowly shook his head. "I don't know." He glanced over at LeBeau and Newkirk, who still seemed entranced by what they had just seen. He cleared his throat and said, "Well, whatever it was, it's gone now. C'mon guys, let's go, we still need to get back before roll call."

"What about Hochstetter?" LeBeau asked.

Hogan looked in the direction the terrified major had run. "I don't think we'll need to worry about him for a while," he answered.

As the men started their trek back to Stalag 13, Newkirk piped up, "How are we going to explain this to Kinch?"

"I don't think we can," LeBeau said. "Maybe we should keep this to ourselves."

"That's a very good suggestion, LeBeau," Hogan said, and glanced back at his men, "Agreed?" he asked, addressing Carter and Newkirk.

"Agreed," the two men replied in unison.

Hogan smiled and went back to leading them home, uttering just one more word under his breath.

"Excellent."

The End.

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A/N: The characters of Bill and Ted are from the movie, "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it! (Plus, my story will make more sense if you do.)


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